I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
