It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Boobs are out for the taking
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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