you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
