I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
