So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
