She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
