I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
