TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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