APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
