I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
