I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
