Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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