Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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