remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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