I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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