I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
