Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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