toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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