tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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