We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
