That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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