those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
