i need an iv and a liver transplant
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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