moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
