K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize