I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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