someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
