I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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