Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
