wake up i wanna do it froggy style
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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