Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
