That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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