Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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