Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Two words: blizzard sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
