sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
