I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
