Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
