i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
