He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
