i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize