Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
