So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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