i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
