I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This baby is an asshole
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
