I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
