let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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