Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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