Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
