Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
