i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
