Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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