so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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