i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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