I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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