I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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