Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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