it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
