If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
