Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
