We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
