i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want her autograph on my taint
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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