doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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