That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
