so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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