Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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