i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize