my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
