similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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