So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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