I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
