I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
