Nicole vs. Life
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
