Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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