you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
